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Scottish Jokes

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Barbara:
 ;D  ;D  ;D

Thomas Thompson:
 




    A Scot and an Arab

   An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to build up a stock of his blood type for transfusion.

    As the gentleman had a rare type of blood and it couldn't be found locally, the call went out globally.

    Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

    After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW 5 series, a diamond encrusted Rolex and 50000.

    A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

    After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

    The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.

    He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me fabulous gifts and loads of money, but you only gave me a     thank-you card and a box of Quality Street."

   To this the Arab replied:  "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

 i

 


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Stirling Thompson:
Old Archie had served the Railway Company as Guard on the local railway for nearly fifty years, and when his time to retire arrived he found the parting a severe wrench. Hearing how keenly their old employee felt leaving the service, the Company arranged to present him with an old coach to keep at the bottom of his garden to serve as a daily reminder of his active days on the line.

One very wet day some of his friends called to see Archie and were informed by his wife that he would be 'on the train.' Going down the garden they found Archie sitting on the step of the carriage, smoking furiously at his pipe and with an old sack over his shoulders to protect him from the downpour.

'Hello, Archie,' his friends greeted him, 'why are ye no inside in a day like this?'

'Can ye no see?' replied Archie with a nod towards the windows, 'they only sent me a non-smoker.'

Stirling Thompson:
Arnold Brown - Sex with Sheep!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaMxOFacvuY&index=2&list=PL9F5B8CBF39654099

Stirling Thompson:
A Scottish Chemistry Teacher is doing an experiment for his class. He takes a pound coin out of his wallet, drops it in a beaker of acid and asks, "Now class, will this Pound coin be dissolved by the acid?"

One pupil puts his hand up. "No sir, it definitely will not!"

The teacher smiles, "That's right, lad - well done! Now, can you explain why?"

The boy smiles back, "Well, if the acid was going to dissolve your coin, you would have used a penny."

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